ML King in Inception

inception trolled.. xP

blond chicks

Two blondes are walking down the road when one says, “Look at that dog with one eye!”

The other blonde covers one of her eyes and says, “Where?”

Drunk guy grabbing ass of woman in bar

A drunk guy walks into a bar, goes over to a woman standing at the jukebox, and grabs her ass.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing?” the woman screams.

“I’m sorry,” replies the drunk. “I thought you were my wife!”

“Why, you drunken, worthless, insufferable asshole!” she yells.

“See? You sound just like her.”

Open Letter To Employees

Dear employees,

Due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown of the economy, Management has decided to implement a scheme to put workers of 40 years of age and above on early retirement. This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged People Early).

Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to management to be eligible for the SHAFT scheme (Special Help After Forced Termination). Persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREW program (Scheme Covering Retired Early Workers). A person may be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as many times as Management deems appropriate.

Persons who have been RAPED can only get AIDS (Additional Income for Dependants and Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early Severance). Obviously persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or SCREWED any further by Management.

meaning of wife

Two guys and a girl were sitting at a bar talking about their lives.
The one guy said, "I'm a YUPPIE. You know, Young Urban Professional."
The second guy responded, "I'm a DINK. You know, Double Income No Kids."
They then asked the woman, "What are you?"
She replied: "I'm a WIFE. You know, Wash, Iron, Fuck, Etc."

Top 10 Things Only A Woman Understands

10. Cats facial expressions.
9. The need for the same style of shoes in different colors.
8. Why bean sprouts aren't just weeds.
7. Fat clothes.
6. Taking a car trip without trying to beat your best time.
5. The difference between beige, ecru, cream, off-white, and eggshell.
4. Cutting your bangs to make them grow.
3. Eyelash curlers.
2. The inaccuracy of every bathroom scale ever made.

AND, the Number One, Number One thing only a woman understands:

1. OTHER WOMEN

Laws Which Newton Forgot To State..

LAW OF QUEUE: If you change your queue, the one you have left will start to move faster than the one you are in now.

LAW OF TELEPHONE: When you dial a wrong number, you never get an engaged one.

LAW OF MECHANICAL REPAIR: After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch.

LAW OF WORKSHOP: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

BATH THEOREM: When the body is immersed in water, the telephone rings.

LAW OF ENCOUNTERS: The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with : P

won a iphone in a race. :D

my girlfriend saw my iphone and asked..

GF - how much did it cost?

Me - won it in a race. :D

Gf- wow.. really? how many people were racing against you ?

Me - well, the mobile shop owner, his worker and two security guards.

-  SYA (C) 2012.

The worst thing about the rising unemployment rate

Question: What’s the worst thing about the rising unemployment rate?

Answer: It’s harder to screw your girlfriend when her husband’s always home.

Secretary got an expensive PEN as gift from Boss

A secretary got an expensive PEN as birthday gift from his boss. She sent his boss a 'Thank You Note' via e-mail. Her boss's wife read the Note and filed a divorce.

The Note was: "Your PENIS wonderful, I enjoyed using it last night. It has extra-ordinarily smooth flow and firm strokes. Initially its tip was to be licked to bring it in working order and then it was equally on both sides. I loved its perfect size and grip. I felt as in heavens using it. I had always desired it and fulfilled my wish. At last it is mine and only mine, forever. Thanks a lot."

Moral: Space is an essential part of English. :-)

What is Will Power?

What is will-power?


It's when you see...

10 notifications,

12 messages

18 friend request

and you still click

.

.

.

.

"Logout" :P:D

Bad Luck

girl: hi baby! :)
boy: hi my lovely..
(sending failed)

girl: are you there??
boy: yes ! yes i am here!
(sending failed)

girl: are you ignoring me or what ???
boy: honey i am not.... i am here..
(sending failed)

girl: ok! it's over; don't you ever talk to me again!
boy: DAMN! go to hell !
.
.
(message sent) :P

North American Beer Festival

After the North American Beer Festival, all the brewery presidents decided to go out for a beer.

The guy from Corona sits down and says, “Hey Señor, I would like the world’s best beer, a Corona.”

The bartender dusts off a bottle from the shelf and gives it to him.

The guy from Budweiser says, “I’d like the best beer in the world, give me ‘The King of Beers,’ a Budweiser.”

The bartender gives him one.

The guy from Coors says, “I’d like the only beer made with Rocky Mountain spring water, give me a Coors.” He gets it.

The guy from Molson sits down and says, “Give me a Coke.”

The bartender is a little taken aback, but gives him what he ordered.

The other brewery presidents look over at him and ask, “Why aren’t you drinking a Molson’s?”

The Molson president replies, “Well, I figured if you guys aren’t drinking beer, neither would I.”

Condoms with insecticide

A man walks into a pharmacy and asks for some condoms with insecticide.

“I think you mean spermicide,” says the cashier.

“No,” he says, “I need condoms with insecticide. My wife has a bug up her ass, and I’m going in after it.”

blonde is beautiful.. ;)

Did you hear about the new paint color that’s coming out? It’s called blonde. It’s not very bright, but it spreads easy.

----------------------------------------------------------------------

What did the blondes left knee say to her right knee?

Answer: I haven’t seen you since prom night!

Drunken Irishman driving recklessly through Dublin

A drunken Irishman is driving recklessly through Dublin, and an alert cop pulls him over.

“Where have you been?” asks the police officer.

“To the pub,” slurs the drunk.

“Well,” says the cop, “do you know that, a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?”

“Oh, thank heavens!” sighs the man. “For a minute there, I thought I’d gone deaf.”

Super Party

It's annual superheroes new years party. Batman and Spiderman are chatting. 

All of a sudden the Hulk rushes in all red and perplexed. 

 

"Whats up" asked Batman? 

 

"Well i was upstairs looking for the toilet and i passed the bedroom and saw Wonder Women naked on the bed and moaning and groaning. I started feeling randy and thought what the hell and jumped on top of her!" 

 

"Was she surprised?" asked Spiderman. 

 

"Yes but not as surprised as The Invisible Man!"

One night in train

A man and a woman who had never met before, but who were both married to other people, found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a trans-continental train. Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they were both very tired and fell asleep quickly, he in the upper berth and she in the lower.

At 1:00 AM, the man leaned down and gently woke the woman saying. Ma’am, I’m sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket? I’m awfully cold.’

‘I have a better idea,’ she replied ‘Just for tonight let’s pretend that we’re married.’

‘Wow!………That’s a great idea!’, he exclaimed.

‘Good,’ she replied. …’Get your own f***ing blanket.’

After a moment of silence, he farted.

Meet the parents.

A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night to meet & have dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the girl announces to her boyfriend that after dinner, she would like to go out & make love for the first time.

 

The boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms. He tells the pharmacist it’s his first time &  the pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms & sex.

 

At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he’d like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family pack.

The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time & all.

That night, the boy shows up at the girl’s parents house & meets his girlfriend at the door. ‘Oh, I’m so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in!’

 

The boy goes inside & is taken to the dinner table where the girl’s parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace & bows his head. A minute passes & the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head down.

10 minutes pass & still no movement from the boy.

 

Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over & whispers to the boyfriend, ‘I had no idea you were this religious.’The boy turns & whispers back, ‘I had no idea your father was a pharmacist.’